Disclaimers: George Lucas owns the Star Wars Universe
I make no
monetary profit from my fan writings
Rating PG
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DO WHAT YOU THINK YOU CANNOT DO
//Do
what you think you cannot do.//
I hear your voice
inside my mind. I have done so many
things that I thought I could not, thanks to you, Master, but this I cannot do. I cannot live without you, Master.
//Do what you think you cannot do.//
Master, I
can’t ... You once told me there is no
such word as can’t. But I can’t do
this. I can’t! I tried, Master, I really did. I pretended it didn’t happen, that you were
alive and well. I even talked to you,
but in truth I spoke to the wall. Were
you there the night I got drunk and injected a death stick after you died in my
arms? I really couldn’t have cared
whether I lived or died, but I knew you would care, so I pulled myself
together, for Anakin. For you.
I wipe
bitter tears from my face, knowing you will never be there to console me, to
hold me, never to hear you speak to me again.
Master, I cannot live without you.
I sigh to myself as I hear your words again in my mind. I take a deep breath as I sip my diluted
pallie juice. Okay, Master, I’ll
try. It won’t be easy, but I’ll try to
live without you. And now I hear Master
Yoda’s voice. //Do or do not. There is no
try.//
I put down
my juice. It seems I cannot escape. You told me it would be a hard life, but
never did I imagine it would be without you.
Why couldn’t it have been me? Why
couldn’t Maul have killed me instead?
Why was I meant to go on without you?
I hated him, Master for the longest time, for what he did to you, but I
had to let it go. Hate leads to the Dark
Side, I know.
And Anakin,
I feel I failed you. I had to kill him,
Master, kill my own Padawan. Was he the
But I know I
must live without you, but not without the knowledge that your spirit never
died. I don’t want to wallow in my own
self pity, Master, however much I miss you and love you, but if I know you,
your spirit never left my side. You were there with me when I almost wasted
myself that night, protecting me, you were there with me when I was taken to
the shelter to recover. You were there
with me the day Anakin turned. You were
there with me all the time.
“Always, Obi-Wan.”
“Master?” I stand.
You appear
before me and I realise that you had not come to me before, as you were
allowing me space to grieve. Always so
considerate. You smile warmly. I missed your smile.
“I miss you, Master.” Tears fall from my
eyes.
Your glowing
arms embrace me and I feel your warmth.
“I don’t know if I can go on.”
“Of course you can, Obi-Wan. Do what you think you cannot do.”
And now I know I can, because I don’t have to
live without you, Master as you are always by my side.
*
Author’s note: Written for a challenge - Start the fic with any
Quote from Qui-Gon’s wisdom.