Disclaimer: George Lucas (Lucasfilm) own Star Wars. The only profit I make from my stories is the joy my writing brings others.
Summary: Obi-Wan yearns to be chosen as Qui-Gon Jinn’s Padawan.
Rating - PG for some violence and profanity.
Author's Note: This does not follow the Jedi Apprentice books.
Set about 13 years before The Phantom Menace.
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PADAWAN DREAMS
The sound of his name commanded the highest respect, although the Jedi Council would prefer him to be more submissive, though they knew if he was, he wouldn't be Qui-Gon Jinn.
Excited whispers among the potential young Jedi Padawan Trainees, wondered if the noble, compassionate Jedi Master would choose his Padawan ... and if he did, who?
Three young potentials gathered in Liona's room, up much later than they should be, by way of a separate generator so no electric current could be traced.
Balen Bareli had 'borrowed' a pot of Yoda's vege crisps and shared them around. Obi-Wan eagerly took a few. He really liked these.
"I think he'll pick me," Balen said, between munches.
"What makes you so certain?" Obi-Wan asked, after swallowing his mouthful.
"'Cause I've got more potential than any of you."
"You posses more ego than any of us," Liona stated, nibbling on a chip.
Obi-Wan Kenobi laughed.
Balen glared at his fellow Padawan. "I suppose you think he'll pick you 'Wan. What makes you so special?"
"And why wouldn't he pick me?" Obi-Wan asked, his casual tone masking his true feelings. He had never wanted anything more than to become a Jedi as Qui-Gon Jinn's Padawan. He had trained hard and was confident in his abilities. Obi-Wan respected Jedi Master Jinn more than anyone in the Universe. He'd never met the man in person, but from a holo-image of him he'd seen, looking into the oceanic blue eyes of the picture, Obi-Wan had immediately sensed Qui-Gon's compassion, wisdom and sensitivity to the Force, even before he knew the Jedi Master's name. Yoda had been impressed with Obi-Wan's insight and had told him more about Qui-Gon and his accomplishments, which made Obi-Wan respect the Jedi Master even more and yearned to meet him. He dreamed of being Qui-Gon Jinn's Padawan, but then so did everyone else. As Balen had said - what made him so special, Obi-Wan thought sadly, but still one could dream.
"I think he'll choose me," Balen said, swallowing a mouthful of chips. "He'll sense my determination and will."
"Logic dictates he will also sense your arrogance," Liona said.
"You Vulcans take the fun out of everything," Balen snorted.
"Being a Jedi isn't supposed to be fun," Obi-Wan said. "It's hard life."
"Even a hard life has to have fun and adventure."
"A Jedi craves not these things," Liona said.
"Who died and made you Yoda?"
Obi-Wan didn't care for Balen's disrespectful tone. He disliked the elder boy. Balen was a year older than him. Obi-Wan sensed Liona's commitment to the Jedi and her determination, but there was no passion in her eyes. The only reason he was here with the two was he knew they'd be up all night talking about Qui-Gon and he felt had to be here.
Balen took some more crisps.
"Stop hogging them all," Obi-Wan snapped, and took a few, not that he was really hungry - he was sick of Balen's beliefs of superiority.
"Yes, Master," Balen snorted.
Obi-Wan glowered. "You have no respect."
"For you? Don' make me gag."
"You've got no respect for anyone."
"I respect Qui-Gon."
"That's Master Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan snapped.
"So-rry. Well everyone respects him."
"At least there's one thing we agree on."
Balen forced a smile.
* * *
Under the Coruscant night sky, Qui-Gon walked to the Temple, glad to be back after a tiring mission, speaking for hours, days, then weeks on end with delegates from two factions, trying to prevent a long, violent and bloody civil war. His success, the only reward Qui-Gon needed, but it had taken its toll.
Yoda greeted him. "Glad I am you are back, Master Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon had lived, withdrawn, away from the Temple since his first Padawan, not yet thirteen had been killed on a mission a year ago. His grief was still with him, and he knew exactly why Yoda had called him back.
He and Master Yoda wailed down the corridor.
"Time it is, Qui-Gon. Grieve forever over Atlantia you cannot."
Qui-Gon's gentle eyes showed his pain, reliving the moment where she had been shot in the throat, not quite fast enough to deflect the blast. He had blamed himself as he held her bloodied body in his arms. "She was so ... so young ..."
"Know that I do. Your fault it was not. Not destined to become a Jedi was she."
Qui-Gon nodded. "I know that now ... But it's still so hard..."
"A hard life it will be."
Qui-Gon gave a slight smile. "You told me that when I was three."
Yoda made a noise of acknowledgement as they entered the Temple. "Many lessons have you still to learn."
"Of course. No one's learning is ever complete. Not even yours."
"Wise you are. Time again for you to pass on that wisdom it is."
"Master Yoda, I don't know if I can train another-"
"Speak more on this tomorrow we shall," the small green Jedi Master said. "Sleep we must. Warm we have kept your bed."
Qui-Gon smiled, then his brow furrowed a little and he stopped walking.
"Sense something you do?"
Qui-Gon's head turned and he nodded. "I thought they'd all be asleep at this hour."
Yoda snorted. "Supposed to be they are."
"But they're not."
"Well anticipated your arrival has been."
Qui-Gon gave a smile. He didn't see himself as being any more special than any other Jedi, although he respected and cherished the respect others felt for him.
"Asleep they will fall eventually," Yoda said.
Qui-Gon shook his head. "I sense anger...fear...longing..." He looked clearly distressed.
Yoda stopped. "Mention it now you do, sense it as well do I."
Qui-Gon headed off in the direction his senses took him, akin to following footprints. He kept his pace slower than usual, allowing Master Yoda to keep up.
"As if he's going to choose you!" Balen snorted disdainful. "You're clumsy, you can't even keep your quarters tidy - *and* you had to have three goes at makin' a lightsabre. Mine worked first time." Balen ignited it and waved it at Obi-Wan, who stepped back in initial shock. He hadn't brought his lightsabre to the small gathering, although he knew as much as Balen disliked him, the older boy wouldn't hurt him with it, but to show off with one's lightsabre was strictly forbidden.
"Each of us matures at a different rate," Liona said.
Balen made a ceremony of disengaging his lightsabre and hanging it on his tunic. "You didn't even bring yours! A fine apprentice you'd make! Uhh ... Sorry, Master ... uhh forgot my lightsabre..."
Obi-Wan glowered. He'd had enough of Balen's emotional bashing. "Like he's going to choose you? You can't control your anger, you show off and you think you're better than everyone else. Some Jedi."
Balen whacked at Obi-Wan, the smaller Jedi grabbing Balen's hand as he tried to hit him again. "See what I mean?"
"It was your fault," Balen snorted.
Obi-Wan pushed him away. "A Jedi wouldn't get angry about-"
"Shut up!" Balen hissed.
Liona had had enough of these brawling males, but what could she do? "If you are destined to become Jedi, you will be," she stated, hoping they would take their quarrel elsewhere.
"Of course *I'll* be," Balen said, glaring at Obi-Wan, then smiling at him. "*Master* Qui-Gon won't choose a wuss."
Obi-Wan lashed out at Balen, the other stepping back, avoiding the blow. "Now who's losin' it?"
Obi-Wan glowered, silently cursing himself for losing control, but Balen was so ... so damned frustrating!
Liona sighed. It didn't look like either of these two had the potential to become Qui-Gon Jinn's Padawan - let alone anyone's. She reached for the pot of crisps, which she noted with slight dismay was empty, most of them inside Balen's stomach, she noted. Typical. She retreated to her bed, sat down and picked up her book, not that she'd get any quality reading done. She could chase the boys out she thought, but it wouldn't change they way they felt.
"Like he'll pick you," Balen stated, looking down at her. "You've got no fire."
"Leave her alone!" Obi-Wan snapped.
"Or what? You'll tell Qui-Gon?"
Obi-Wan's eyes flashed with anger as he grabbed Balen. The older Jedi grabbed the neckline of Obi-Wan's tunic in return, wrenching himself free.
"I can't foresee you becoming a Jedi," Obi-Wan said.
Balen snarled. "I suppose you foresee yourself becoming
Qui-Gon's Padawan?"
"That's *Master* Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan growled again.
"So can you?"
"I don't know," Obi-Wan forced out the answer.
"So how can you foresee anything? You haven't got what it takes, Kenobi."
Obi-Wan violently wrenched himself free. "*Yes I have!*" he yelled. All Obi-Wan's life he'd wanted to become a Jedi. There was nothing else. He'd trained hard and devoted every spare second to learning the Jedi ways, and now this ... *child...* was trying to tear that away from him. Obi-Wan felt his maturity outweighed that of his fellow Padawan.
Balen pushed him. Obi-Wan cursed himself for not seeing that coming and in anger, punched Balen and they wrestled.
Liona frowned, as angry as a Vulcan could be. "This of course will get you nowhere."
"Who asked you?" Balen snapped.
Obi-Wan was too angry to defend her this time, as Liona sat in silence, leaving the two boys to their fates.
"There's no way in the Republic he'll choose you!" Kenobi spat.
"Yeah? Well there's no way in the *Universe* he'll choose you!"
Balen sharply pulled Obi-Wan's short braid. The younger Padawan shrieked, his scalp incredibly sensitive. He instantly placed his hand over the aching spot, holding back tears. Balen’s smirk was wiped off his face with Obi-Wan's backhand. He pushed the older boy away and tried to calm himself.
"I don't think Master Qui-Gon will choose either of you." Liona stated. "Neither of you are behaving like Jedi."
"Shut up!" the two yelled, Obi-Wan again sorry he'd lost control and gave Liona a contrite look.
Balen pushed him. "Go on, Kenobi - you know you wanna blame me. 'He started it'" Balen mimicked Obi-Wan's accent.
Kenobi glowered. He hated that. "Well you did start it," he stated.
Balen glared at him. "You're pathetic 'Kenobi."
"The feeling's mutual!" Obi-Wan yelled. "You're not worthy of Qui-Gon, or the Jedi!"
"Isn't that *Master* Qui-Gon?"
Obi-Wan blinked. His anger had clouded him and he felt ashamed for that and Balen's smile made him more uncomfortable not to mention angry.
"And what makes you think *you're* worthy of the Jedi?" Balen sneered. "You think you're so special, 'Wan ... Truth is you're just like everyone else and you can't stand it."
Obi-Wan lashed out at him in a rage, realising it was true. Balen's victorious smile made him feel worse, and it didn't make him feel any better when he failed to avoid Balen thrusting him into the wall.
He turned. "If you think Master Qui-Gon is going to take a smug arrogant bastard like you as his Padawan, think again!" Obi-Wan spat, refusing to give Balen the satisfaction of rubbing his sore nose.
"What makes you think he'll fall in love with you?!"
Obi-Wan tried to ignore Balen's disrespectful tone. "Because I *believe* in him. I respect him more than anyone. You just want him because it'll do wonders for your image."
"Yeah, won't it ..."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "You disgust me."
"The feeling's mutual."
Obi-Wan growled. "Master Qui-Gon's kindness makes him who he is. You wouldn't know kindness if it rammed your lightsabre where Tatooine's suns don't shine. Master Jinn will want nothing to do with you. There's no way he's gonna pick you."
"Or you," Balen snarled.
"He might not-"
"Whaddya mean - *might* not? You mean you think you're *actually* in with a chance?" Balen laughed hysterically. "You may as well ask a Hutt to *give* you 50 billion credits! You'll have more success!"
Obi-Wan glowered. Liona tried to concentrate on her book, though it was becoming increasingly difficult.
"I'm sorry," Balen said to Obi-Wan, his voice soft. "I take that back."
For a moment Obi-Wan thought he was actually going to relent.
"Did I say 50 billion? You're not even worth five."
//I should have seen that coming.// Whether Balen really meant that or not was another story. But still, it hurt.
"Oh, you wanna cry? There, there, my poor Padawan." Balen said, in his best mimicked Qui-Gon voice.
"SHUT UP!!!" Obi-Wan screamed, lashing out, a tear flying from his red face. Balen had finally done it. "You wanna know the real reason Master Qui-Gon won't choose you? **You don't give a fuck about anything except yourself!**"
The door to Liona's quarters slid open.
The three Padawans' heads slowly turned and looked as though they'd seen a ghost.
Qui-Gon Jinn stood before them, in silence. They barely noticed Yoda behind him. Qui-Gon looked at all three of them, then his gaze slowly, taking in each one in turn. The silence in the room screamed.
Liona on her bed had almost dropped her book, and stood, hoping the Jedi Master sensed her non interference. Balen had been shocked into speechlessness for once in his life, shifting uncomfortably... Qui-Gon's gaze finally met Obi-Wan Kenobi, the young Jedi feeling as though he'd just been disembowelled with a lightsabre. He felt all his hopes and dreams crushed, washing away like a sand castle on a deserted beach. He stopped breathing for a few moments, feeling as though every breath was a violation. He was sure his heart had stopped too. He felt disgusted with himself, letting his anger overrule him. What would Master Qui-Gon think of him now? Obi-Wan didn't even dare to think, but could feel the Jedi Master was not impressed. Kenobi wanted to die. He gazed at Qui-Gon's elegant lightsabre hanging by his side and half wished the Jedi Master would run him through, ending his pain and humiliation. Of course he knew such a thing would never even cross the gentle Jedi Masters mind. It was well known that Qui-Gon had never even stepped on a cockroach without feeling guilty.
Obi-Wan felt as though he'd betrayed him, despite never having seen the Jedi Master in person until this moment. He felt a little relieved when he felt Qui-Gon's gaze return to Balen.
"Return to your quarters," the Jedi Master said. There was no anger or harshness to his words.
"Yes ... Sir," Balen forced out, shivering. "I apologize fo-"
Qui-Gon's gaze burned into him. "Now." Still his voice sounded calm.
Balen nodded, and had to force his glued feet to move.
"Make a new batch of crisps you will," Yoda scalded.
Balen retrieved the empty pot and hung his head in disgrace as he left. "Yes, Master Yoda."
Obi-Wan was too afraid to feel any pleasure at Balen's discomfort, feeling sick with his own. To his relief, Qui-Gon's gaze turned to Liona and he dreaded that he was next. Qui-Gon sensed she didn't have much to do with the heated argument, though Obi-Wan sensed he still wanted to speak to her. He hated to admit it, but Liona seemed a far more fitting Padawan than either him or Balen. Then with a shock, he realised Qui-Gon's gaze was returning to him. Like Balen, his feet seemed glued to the floor, and his head permanently locked down. He wanted to cry, but refused to permit himself the luxury, forcing tears back with a vengeance. He wanted to blame Balen, though he knew it was as much his fault. He knew he should have walked away when he had the chance - before he lost his temper. Obi-Wan couldn't bear to even look at Qui-Gon. He was sure the Jedi Master was utterly disgusted with him. What Master would want a Padawan who couldn't control their emotions ...particularly their temper... Who let others get the better of them? Who lashed out in anger ... What right did he have to believe Master Qui-Gon would even *consider* him? //It's the Will of the Force...// Obi-Wan tried to force himself to believe. He tried to lift his head, and as he did, a rebellious tear escaped, but before he could look Qui-Gon in the eye, his feet suddenly broke free and bolted down the corridor, faster than a speeding podracer.
Qui-Gon spun and watched in shocked silence. Yoda was about to call after the youth, but Qui-Gon held up a hand and shook his head. After a moment he turned back. "Liona Vek."
"...I apologise profusely, Master Jinn. Had I known the boys would have behaved in such a deplorable manner, I would not have allowed them to reside within my quarters ... Master Yoda, I apologize for our deception. We ..."
Yoda smiled. "Stay up well past my bedtime too in my youth I did."
A wisp of a smile touched Qui-Gon's face.
"Though I should have sensed their upcoming conflict."
Although her face betrayed no emotion, Qui-Gon could sense her embarrassment, impressed she didn't lay blame. "I'll speak with them."
Liona gave a nod. "Logical. They both need disciplining."
"And perhaps some Masterly advice."
Liona's gave a small smile. "I find human males often have trouble controlling their emotions ... Present company accepted of course."
Qui-Gon smiled.
"I see that it is not my destiny to become your Padawan," Liona said after a pause. "Disappointing, as there is a lot I can learn from you."
Qui-Gon smiled. "As you will from your Master."
Again Liona gave a single nod.
Qui-Gon looked at her book. "The Silent Master," he said. "Kyrus. Impressive."
"I find his work most inspiring and insightful."
"As do I. Live Long and Prosper, Liona Vek."
Liona smiled. "May The Force Be With You, Master Qui-Gon Jinn."
He left the young Padawan alone with the pages of the ancient Jedi Philosopher.
The door slid closed behind them. Qui-Gon started to walk to Balen's quarters.
"Take young Liona as your Padawan you should," Yoda said. "Too brash are the other two."
Qui-Gon stopped and spoke to his Master. "Padawan Vek is intelligent, insightful and well balanced, but I don't feel a bond with her."
The two began to walk again.
"Feel a bond with Balen?"
Qui-Gon chuckled.
"A Jedi he is not."
"No," Qui-Gon said, "but I sense much pain in him. He needs guidance."
"Not your place to do so."
"You know me better than that, My Master."
Yoda couldn't help but smile.
"It's a Jedi's duty to help others, isn't it? And Balen definitely needs help. I can guide him in the right direction and help him deal with his inner pain."
Yoda sighed. He knew as well as anyone, there was no arguing with Qui-Gon when his mind was made up.
"Talk to him you will," he said.
"Thank you, Master."
"Young Obi-Wan?"
Qui-Gon stopped and sighed. "Now *there's* another matter entirely."
"Say you what to Obi-Wan?"
"I haven't a clue."
"Respect you he does."
"I know."
"Leave you to it I will. Dead tired I am. For you it is time to rest as well."
Qui-Gon smiled. "After I talk to Balen and Obi-Wan."
"Don't stay up too late."
Qui-Gon smiled again. Rarely did Yoda spoke forwards.
"Good night, Master," he said, watching the elder Jedi walk with his gimer stick down the corridor as Qui-Gon continued to Balen's quarters.
He sounded the chime. No answer, although he sensed Balen was inside. He sounded it once more, still nothing.
Qui-Gon turned away.
"Come in ... please." The voice shivered.
Qui-Gon entered. Before his eyes met Balen, sitting up on his bed, he met a disorderly mess. Papers and various items strewn over the floor, a desk top which had obviously been swiped in anger, a shattered glass and a painting slashed diagonally from corner to corner, smouldering paint and bitter anger hanging in the air.
"I'm glad I wasn’t here ten minutes ago."
"I wouldn't've hurt anyone."
"You hurt Obi-Wan."
Balen looked dismayed. "I'm sorry ... I lost control ..."
"That much is obvious."
Balen was silent.
"I haven't come here to ask who started it," Qui-Gon said.
"I suppose you've come to reprimand me and tell me I don't belong here."
"Do you think you belong here?"
Balen knew the answer, but said nothing. "Where do you think I belong?" Usually that question would have been bitterly sarcastic, but Balen looked up, at Qui-Gon pleading, holding back tears.
Qui-Gon sat on the bed. "Where do you think you belong?"
"...I don't know..." Balen said softly after a long pause.
"Being a Jedi isn't about adventure, excitement and doing cool stunts," Qui-Gon started. Balen almost smiled at the Jedi Master's choice of words as he continued, "it's about finding who you are, listening to the Force and where it guides us. It's about helping those who cannot help themselves and bringing peace, balance and justice to our Universe."
Balen nodded in silence.
"You need to follow your own path, Balen Bareli. No one can choose it for you."
The young boy nodded. "I know ... But I don't know what that path is."
"You will." Qui-Gon could feel the young boy reaching out to him, desperate for an answer. "I don't have all the answers, young Balen. No one does ... But you have to learn to release your anger. You can't blame others for your failings and your parents' abandonment."
Qui-Gon wiped a tear from the boy's face. "It's hard, but you must find it in your heart to forgive and love. You can't move beyond your anger if you don't. You chose this life - and lightsabring paintings isn't going to help."
Balen half smiled. "I hated the thing anyway. Reminds me of my temper."
Qui-Gon looked at the thick, dark painting, the only splashes of colour being a screaming mess of red and orange. "It is pretty depressing."
"I bought it cheap at the Coruscant markets to cover a hole I punched in the wall."
Qui-Gon couldn't quite stifle his smile. "There are healers who can help you deal with your anger, and you can put your knowledge of the Force to good use by helping others, healing them in return."
Balen became awe struck. "I could really do that?"
Qui-Gon smiled. "Of course you could. If you put your mind and heart to it."
"Thank you, Master Jinn ... Any other Master would've severely reprimanded me for my actions and done nothing to help me."
Qui-Gon Jinn smiled again. "I'm not any other Master."
Balen smiled too. "I know."
The Jedi Master stood. "I must go and see Obi-Wan."
Balen nodded. "He really respects you, you know."
"Yes, I know."
"Can you please tell him I'm sorry?"
"No. That's something you'll have to do yourself."
Balen nodded, not looking forward to it, but knew for his own redemption it had to be done. "I will, Master Qui-Gon," he said. "I promise."
Qui-Gon nodded with a smile. "Sleep well, Balen" he said,
watching the boy lie down and started on his way to Obi-Wan's quarters. He deliberately slowed his pace and tried not to sense the young one's thoughts. In truth he was probably as nervous as Obi-Wan. He hadn't the foggiest idea what he'd say to him, or how to make him feel any better. He had been touched when he had sensed the young Padawan's respect. Above Obi-Wan's shame, remorse and fear, he had sensed that immense respect and love for a man he had never met, his respect much deeper than any other.
Qui-Gon slowly opened his mind to Obi-Wan and winced when he sensed the boy's inner turmoil, shame and agony, the young Padawan feeling as though his heart had been torn out and stomped on. The last thing Qui-Gon wanted to do was hurt him any further. He turned back and started toward his own quarters. He wanted more than anything to help Obi-Wan, though what could he do, but give consoling words? Qui-Gon sensed how badly Obi-Wan wanted to become his Padawan, the young boy's pain and despair, like a desperate distress flare in the dead of a freezing night ... Qui-Gon stopped for a moment, closed his eyes, aligned his chakras and before he knew it, he was standing right before Obi-Wan's door. He took a deep breath. He did not want to be the one to run a lightsabre through the boy's hopes and dreams, but how could he take this boy as his Padawan? He was brash, headstrong, could not control his emotions and had much to learn of the Living Force. Qui-Gon honestly didn't think of himself as highly as Obi-Wan did, and if he did take the young boy under his wing, could he trust himself to train and protect him?
Qui-Gon almost gasped when he sensed the boy's utter hopelessness and despair - he'd even considered turning his own lightsabre on himself, if only for a brief second, his Living Force so fragile and sensitive.
Qui-Gon knew ringing the door chime would not help this time, and entered Obi-Wan's quarters in silence.
The young boy felt a ripple in the Force, as he lay in bed, sobbing silently in the dark. He stopped, assuming Yoda had come to reprimand and perhaps console him, but somehow this ripple seemed different. With a shock, Obi-Wan realised it was Qui-Gon. He almost choked on his own tears. Part of him was terrified, the other part wanted to reach out, but he was too afraid and ashamed to speak or even look at the Jedi Master, but forced himself to turn.
Qui-Gon illuminated the room a little, still trying to think of what to say. He saw a half filled glass on Obi-Wan's bedside table and looked relieved. At least it was somewhere to start. He indicated it. At first Obi-Wan thought he was going to ask the half empty, half full question. To Obi-Wan it seemed all empty.
"May I?" Qui-Gon asked, softly.
The question threw Obi-Wan for a second, then he nodded. "Of course ... Master
Qui-Gon." He had to force the words out, amazed he could speak at all, his voice a raspy whisper.
"Thank you," Qui-Gon said, as he swallowed the cool liquid.
Part of Obi-Wan wished he *was* that water. Qui-Gon set the empty glass down and sat on the bed next to him. Perhaps consoling him the way he did Balen would help. Despite his foresight, Qui-Gon wasn't in the least prepared for what happened next. Obi-Wan flung his arms around the Jedi Master, burst into tears, blurting words faster than a Nubian in hyperdrive, although Qui-Gon understood every one.
"Oh-my-gods-Master-Qui-Gon-I'm-so-sorry-I-don't-know-what-came-over-me-he-he-made-me-so-angry-but-that's--that's-no-excuse-please...please-forgive-me-I--I-feel-so-ashamed-and-now-you'll-never..."
His throat taut, the boy cried and held him tighter, shutting his eyes. Qui-Gon could feel him shivering and his little heart pounding so hard in his chest, as though it would break free and burst. Instinctively, Qui-Gon placed his arms around the small boy, akin to a mother cradling a newborn babe, holding him gently, the top of his tunic, wet with Obi-Wan's tears.
Qui-Gon, almost overwhelmed by the boy's shame, grief, despair, but above all, his love, respect and loyalty. This boy he hardly knew was ready to give his life for the Jedi Master and that touched Qui-Gon deeply, although the young Jedi had a lot to learn about control.
"I'm so ... so sorry ..." Obi-Wan sobbed, grateful he was able to speak at all. "I feel so ashamed..."
"I know," Qui-Gon said, his voice soft.
Obi-Wan released his death grip on Qui-Gon. The Jedi Master gently brushed his braid aside. His tears had made it stick to his cheek, and held his hand.
"I'm sorry, Master Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan said again. "I ... I could say it won't happen again ... but I guess it's too late for that. **I'm so sorry ...**" Obi-Wan tried to hold back tears, but failed miserably.
Qui-Gon gently wiped them away. "I know. To be a Jedi one must learn to control oneself."
Obi-Wan nodded. "It's one of the first things we learned... Though I guess I need more practice..."
Qui-Gon smiled. "No one is perfect, young Kenobi."
"You are."
"I'd be arrogant if I believed that," Qui-Gon said, though he could see how much the eleven year old looked up to him. He had felt the same way about Master Yoda. "Another thing we have to learn is to accept others' opinions of ourselves, whether they're accurate or not. Do you know how many people have argued and disagreed with me, not including the Council?"
Obi-Wan shook his head with a slight smile.
"I lost count many, many years ago. There are many who do not care for Jedi," Qui-Gon said. "Some of them try to kill us. Being angry with them would be full time occupation and it's not the one I'm destined for and neither are you. Losing one's temper helps no one. We're here to help this Universe, to bring peace, justice, balance and love."
Obi-Wan smiled again. "I know, Master Qui-Gon."
Master Jinn smiled gently, wiping the boy's wet face with a finger. "Being a Jedi is a hard life."
Obi-Wan nodded. "I know."
"And it will get harder."
A silence followed. "Thank you, Master Jinn."
"For what?"
Obi-Wan smiled. "For restoring my confidence and ... comforting me... even though I-"
Qui-Gon returned his smile. "My pleasure."
Obi-Wan placed his arms around the Jedi Master and thanked him again. Qui-Gon returned the embrace, feeling the Force, between them, warm and loving. The Jedi Master stood and took Obi-Wan's glass, refilled it, placing it by his bedside.
Obi-Wan took a large sip. "Thank you, Master Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon smiled and prepared to leave. "And now you need your sleep."
"Master Qui-Gon, what will become of me?"
The older Jedi turned back to him. "You will become a Jedi, I promise."
Obi-Wan didn't know whether to feel relieved - or had he always known that? Qui-Gon used the Force to switch off the dim light.
Obi-Wan looked up at his silhouette, respecting him more than ever, but his heart still ached as he wondered who his Master would be.
Qui-Gon smiled gently. "Sweet dreams, My Young Padawan."
The words took a moment to sink in, before Obi-Wan felt a rush of joy like he would never have believed.
His eyes illuminated the darkness. He wanted to thank Qui-Gon again, but the Jedi Master had already left. Obi-Wan wondered how did, without making a sound. He closed his eyes for a few moments and breathed, every breath, feeling fresh and alive. He lay on his pillow, the wet patch seeming out of place. He turned it around, noticing how lovely and soft it was and smiled to himself. //It was the will of the Force...//
A tear escaped and made its way down Qui-Gon's cheek as he walked down the corridor. Such love, joy, loyalty and respect were rare commodities indeed. He had found his bond, and vowed Obi-Wan would become a great Jedi Knight, and a wise Jedi Master.
He finally realised how tired he was and how he'd missed his old quarters and smiled as he entered them, just the way he'd left them. He smiled as Yoda had stocked the kitchen with fresh fruit and vegetables from the farthest reaches of the Galaxy, and he snuck a bite to eat, some small juicy yellow lo'qat fruits, then decided to bathe before going to sleep.
Again Qui-Gon had to smile when he found a purple cake of Alderaanian vegetable soap by his bathtub. He really loved this stuff, the lather it produced, amongst the most creamy in the galaxy. He knew he could have an instant sonic shower, but much preferred a relaxing hot tub. He placed his clothes in the sonic washer, and climbed into the welcoming bath.
As he relaxed and lathered himself in the steaming water, he thought about the three Padawans and sensed their thoughts. Balen although tired, was thinking about his future, contented for once in his life, his anger releasing, discovering what he wanted to become.
Qui-Gon smiled as he sensed Liona, reading her thick book by candlelight, and of course Obi-Wan, fast asleep, his mind full of gratitude and joy, no trace of pain, fear, anger or shame, dreaming of being by Qui-Gon's side, learning from the Jedi Master's wisdom and passing it on. Qui-Gon smiled to himself, as he washed the pains and dirt from the mission and the emotions from the night from his body. He squeezed the water out of his long thick hair, and shook his head, wet hair clinging to his shoulders.
//Sure about this are you?//
//Yes, Master Yoda. I've never been so sure.//
And now it was time for Qui-Gon himself to rest, and as he lay down on his soft bed, there was no place in the Universe he'd rather be than in its warm, welcoming covers as he fell asleep in an instant.
* * *
"I feel like I've hibernated for months ..." Qui-Gon muttered to himself as he stretched leisurely in bed and looked at his side clock. "Seven hours ..."
He didn't think he'd ever slept that long in one night in his entire life as he stretched and smiled. It felt as though he was starting afresh, Obi-Wan bringing new joy and meaning to his life.
* * *
Obi-Wan didn't want to appear too eager in front of Qui-Gon or the other Padawans, although he sensed no jealousy toward him.
"Congratulations are in order," Liona said.
Kenobi smiled. "Yes, I hear Master Billaba has taken you as her Padawan."
Liona smiled. "I was referring to you."
"Thanks. Wonderful isn't it? ..." Obi-Wan's smile brightened his face. "I didn't think he'd choose me in a million years after what happened that night last week."
"Nor did I. The Force works in mysterious ways."
"It sure does."
He bid his fellow Padawan farewell.
"Kenobi."
Obi-Wan stopped. He didn't feel like talking to Balen right now. Would he tease? Make sarcastic comments? Would he-
"I'm sorry."
Obi-Wan turned around and saw the sincerity in the former Jedi Padawan's eyes.
"So, Congratulations ..."
Obi-Wan heard no sarcasm or defeat in his voice, but he sensed uncertainty. "So, what are you going to do now?" he asked.
Balen took a breath. Speaking like this had never been easy for him. "I guess I want to ..." He stopped.
"Help people," Obi-Wan sensed his thoughts.
"Go on. Laugh if you want to."
"I'm not going to laugh," Obi-Wan said.
"I know I've a lot of work to do ... Master Qui-Gon helped me release a lot of my anger ... I want to write ... To help, heal and ... touch people through my writing."
"That's lovely." Obi-Wan said, sensing Balen's unease.
"...Remember those two poems I told you I found ... about the Sunrise and Sunset on Alderaan and the other one about Hoth's Crystal Caves? You ... you said they were beautiful and I said you were a pathetic sop?"
Kenobi smiled and nodded. "You *wrote* those?"
Balen gave an embarrassed smile and nodded. "I knew you'd be my harshest critic."
Kenobi laughed. "There was nothing to criticise, though I thought you were teasing me."
"That was the idea."
Obi-Wan smiled. "I'm sure you'll do wonderfully."
Balen looked at Obi-Wan. "You really think so?"
Obi-Wan smiled and nodded. He'd never realised just how fragile Balen was and felt a twinge of guilt. He seemed to want to shut everyone out. The older boy took a step closer to him.
"You know, Kenobi, I think I'm actually starting to like you."
"The feeling's mutual."
"Sith forbid!"
The two burst out laughing.
After a short pause, Balen spoke again.
"Y'know, Obi-Wan, you're-" he threw his arms around the Jedi Padawan, "worth a lot more than 50 billion credits."
Obi-Wan returned the embrace, glad to feel any hostility dissipating. "So are you."
Balen parted and wiped a tear from his cheek.
Qui-Gon smiled as he came to them, dressed in a light green tunic, matching his dark green velvet robe.
"I'm glad to see you two've reconciled your differences."
The two boys smiled at him.
"Thanks to you," Balen said.
"And to both of you. I couldn't do anything if you still wanted to dislike each other."
Balen smiled again. "I'm gonna miss this place."
Qui-Gon placed his hand on the youth's shoulder. "Feel, don't think and you'll find your writing will flow like a river."
"Thank you Master Qui-Gon. Would you mind if I wrote a poem about you?"
The Jedi Master smiled. "I'd be honoured. Thank you."
"What about me?" Obi-Wan said with a smile.
"Okay ... I'll dedicate my first book to you."
The two laughed again as Balen picked up his duffel satchel and left.
"Good luck 'Wan. May The Force Be With You."
"And also with you."
Obi-Wan watched him leave.
"I can't believe I'm actually going to miss him."
Qui-Gon smiled. "It's always hard to say goodbye to a friend - and it won't be the last time."
"I know, Master."
Obi-Wan smiled. Calling Qui-Gon Master, now had a whole new meaning.
"I'm deeply honoured that you chose me, Master Qui-Gon."
The older Jedi smiled warmly placing a gentle hand on his Padawan's shoulder. "And I'm deeply honoured to train you."
Obi-Wan felt his bond with his Master grow stronger.
"Come, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said. "We'll be late for our meeting with the Supreme Chancellor."
"I know I should feel reserved, Master, but I can't help feeling excited about my first mission."
"I'd be disappointed if you didn't," Qui-Gon said with a smile.
Obi-Wan straightened his utility belt.
"Does it fit all right?"
"I've never felt better, Master."
Qui-Gon smiled as he and Obi-Wan walked to their awaiting cloudcar.
* * *
Obi-Wan thought back, a tear meandering down his cheek as he read Balen's first novel ... 'To Obi-Wan, I hope by now you've been mesmerised by Alderaan's magical sunrise and beautiful rainbow sunset, and entranced by Hoth's enchanting Crystal Caves. Thank you for your forgiveness. May The Force Be With You Always,'
This, Obi-Wan thought was only the beginning of a galactic quest for peace, harmony, justice and freedom. A long spiritual journey to discover ones inner most self, to open ones mind, heart and soul to the Force.
Perhaps someday, tales of he and Qui-Gon's journey would reach galaxies far, far away.
*